Fairy Tales Retold 1 Sleeping Beauty
by J9UK
Summary: It's Tony's birthday.


Sleeping Beauty – The Remake

Title: Sleeping Beauty – The Remake

Author : J9UK

Website: http/ to archive: Yes. Please let me know.

Genre: Gen with slashy undertones!

Pairing: Team

Rating: FRT

Summary: It's Tony's birthday.

Disclaimer: I wish they were mine but they aren't. Just playing with them while they are off the set.

Sleeping Beauty – The Remake

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There was something going on in Autopsy. Director Shepherd was watching the feed from the surveillance camera and was not happy about what she was seeing. It appeared there were some sort of party preparations going on. Doctor Mallard was unfurling a banner that read 'Happy Birthday Tony' in bold, bright letters and there were bakery boxes and a small pile of gifts being arranged on one of the tables by Ms Sciuto.

It simply wouldn't do! She would not permit her lead team to indulge in this kind of activity. Birthday party indeed! She would soon put a stop to that. She pushed the button on her intercom and had her secretary place a call to Agent DiNozzo's desk.

Downstairs in the bullpen, Tony was feeling a bit out of sorts. It was his birthday and he hated working on his birthday. He would have taken the day off like he usually did but with Gibbs away at an anti-terrorism conference, he was the lead agent on the team. Not that he minded that too much. He got quite a kick from being in charge and ordering the others around. In fact, he had been practicing 'being Gibbs' for a while. He thought he was getting quite good at it, although Abby teased him and said he needed to work on his stare.

He was trying out his sneaking-up-behind-you technique on an unsuspecting McGee when the phone on his desk rang and he had to break off to answer it.

"Yes ma'am. No ma'am. Uh huh. Be right there."

Damn. What did the wicked witch want now.

"Director wants me upstairs. Try to have some answers on that missing case of ammunition by the time I get back McGee!"

With that he started off up the stairs to find out what the boss lady had manufactured for him to do this time.

As soon as he was out of earshot, McGee picked up his phone and pushed in the number for Autopsy.

"How's it going down there Ducky? Will you be ready in time for lunch?"

"Oh yes my dear boy. Preparations are in full swing. In fact we are almost done. Just have to arrange coffee and soft drinks and we should be all done. Abby is just going back to the lab now. I hope dear Anthony hasn't noticed anything."

"Not a thing Ducky. He's much too busy pretending to be Gibbs to have noticed anything at all. In fact, he's up with the Director at the moment."

"Oh dear! I hope she isn't going to put a spanner in the works!"

"She probably just wants to hassle him a bit. She really doesn't like him for some reason. I can't understand it! I mean, he does a good job. He must do, or Gibbs wouldn't keep him!"

"Ah well, I think she is jealous. She used to be Gibbs' best field agent back when they worked together and now it seems that Tony is! She probably feels left out."

"Well whatever the reason, she's always picking fault with him. I hope she gets over it soon because Gibbs is starting to pick up on it and he doesn't like it. Oops! Tony's coming back and he doesn't look too pleased. Better go!"

Tony stalked up to McGee's desk and put a canister of coffee down.

"Take this to Abby, McGee. Director wants an analysis done. Seems it is a gift from someone she doesn't know and she wants the contents checked. I have to fill in some stupid survey about work habits that for some reason she can't live without. I hate that kind of thing! I never know if I should answer truthfully or say what they want to hear. These things are stupid!"

"I'll give you a hand with it when I get back Tony. There's a technique for doing these things."

"Well thanks McGee! I'll load it into the computer and fill in the brainless stuff while you take that to Abs."

McGee headed for the lab. He wondered what, if anything, Abby would find in the coffee.

-----

"Hey McGee! What are you doing here?"

He explained his mission and then left the coffee with her. Tony would be ready for his help by now. With a bit of luck it should keep them busy till lunch and then they could spring their surprise party on Tony.

Abby started running her tests on the coffee. One by one she ticked off all the things she tried and after a couple of hours of steady work she concluded that the coffee contained no toxins, although it was blended with a small amount of a rare Chinese herb that was known as a relaxant. Interesting mix! A stimulant cut with a relaxant!

She prepared her report and called down to Tony to see if he wanted her to report to Director Shepherd or if he wanted to do it himself. Although reluctant to see the boss lady again so soon, he thought it would be best if he dealt with it himself so he went to the lab, collected the coffee and the report and set off for the office again.

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"I want it tested Agent DiNozzo."

"Erm, but it has been tested Ma'am. Abby ran tests for all known toxins and it came up clean except for that Chinese herb thing. I guess it makes it some kind of decaffeinated blend."

"Well then, you can take it back and have it taste tested."

"Er. Yes Ma'am. Um, whatever you say."

With that Tony headed back to the lab. He relayed the information to Abby and she shook her head in disbelief.

"What is she? Some kind of Medieval Potentate that she needs a food taster?"

"Whatever Abs. Just make the stuff and let me taste it okay? Anything to get her off my back."

"Okay. I'll make you a cup but I think she is pushing it a bit. Bet she wouldn't do it if Gibbs was here!"

She had just finished making a mug of the coffee, which even she had to admit smelled great when McGee came into the lab.

"Ducky wants us in Autopsy. He has something to show us. I just have to drop this survey on the Director's in tray and I'll join you."

He took the stairs to the offices and the others headed down to the lab and as they went through the doors, there were shouts of "Surprise" and everyone wished Tony a happy birthday. He was delighted and answered their cries of "Speech" with a joke and a thank-you and raised his mug of coffee to them and drank a few sips of the fragrant brew.

"Well, that is not a bad taste at all! Cheers everyone. Tuck in!"

They all helped themselves from the spread of goodies and Tony was just starting to open his gifts when he began to feel a bit strange.

"Feeling a bit woozy here Abs."

"Woozy Tony? Whatever do you mean? Woozy?"

"Yeah, you know, too much to drink, room spinning, about to fall over – woozy!"

With that he stumbled and started to pitch forward gently. Just as it seemed he was about to fall, Chip raced forward and caught him. He staggered a bit under Tony's weight but managed to keep him upright. Palmer raced forward to help and between them they managed to get Tony to one of the autopsy tables and laid him on it. They stepped back, both panting slightly.

Chip looked very pleased with himself. After all, Tony was someone he was very interested in. He wished he looked like Tony. In fact he had secretly been going to the gym and had even been looking at the designer clothing rails in the stores, although he knew it would be a long time till he could afford even one suit from the range Tony favoured.

"Wow. He's quite heavy. Must be all that muscle!"

With that, Chip seemed to turn to jelly and sank to the floor in a heap.

"Oh my goodness! Palmer! Help him!"

"Oh, right, of course Abby! But I feel a bit strange too. Um. Doctor? I think I may have caught something. I don't seem to be able to ….."

As he spoke, Palmer too collapsed in a small heap. Abby looked at Ducky.

"Er Duck Man! We seem to have a problem here. What happened?"

"Oh my! What on earth could have struck them all so quickly! It must be something in the food."

"But they all had different things! And Palmer hasn't had anything yet. Oh no! The coffee! It must be something in the coffee Tony tasted that is affecting them through contact! Is it possible it could have such a fast incubation period? He seems to be infectious just through touch. What are we going to do?"

As she spoke, the Director entered Autopsy with McGee following in her wake.. She looked extremely annoyed and glared around the room. When she saw Tony laid on the table she was furious.

"Exactly what is going on here. I thought I had made it clear that there was no room for slacking on this team. Just because Agent Gibbs is away is no excuse for this kind of nonsense. Agent DiNozzo! Get up immediately and get back to work."

She shook Tony by the shoulder. When he didn't respond she stalked around the table to confront Ducky and stumbled over Chip, who was lying where he had collapsed.

"Are you all completely out of your minds? Doctor Mallard, I demand an explanation!"

"Well you see my dear, Agent DiNozzo was simply following your instructions and tasting the coffee you had Abby test. Unfortunately it seems to have a rather strange side effect. He had no sooner taken it than … oh my goodness … I do believe you're also infected."

The Director fell backwards and landed squarely in McGee's arms. He staggered slightly.

"Oh no! McGee! Not you too!"

"Not me too what Abby? What is happening to everyone?"

"Oh my goodness, get her propped up somewhere out of the way and then lie down! Quickly! Before you fall down! Now McGee! Do as you're told."

"Okay Abs. On it! Jeez! What is with everyone."

He carried on grumbling as he propped the Director in a corner and laid down on the floor next to Chip and Palmer.

"So now will you tell me ….."

And with that he was asleep like the rest of them.

"Well! Now what are we going to do Ducky? We have all these sleeping people and we have no idea how to wake them up!"

"I suggest you get to work on some king of antidote Abigail. Now we know what happens, we should be able to come up with some research and a possible cure. What a pity that young Timothy is affected. He would have been able to put his computer skills to good work and do the research for us. Ah well. We shall have to do it ourselves!"

Ducky turned on the various signs and warnings that showed an infectious agent in Autopsy and he and Abby went up to the lab and got to work looking up sources of information on the Chinese herb found in the coffee.

"Here's something! It says that this herb, used in combination with caffeine is sometimes used in treatment for insomnia. Well it certainly works! It says nothing about it being infectious through touch though. Although it does say that it is usually administered in quiet, isolated rooms and obviously no one else is around! Huh! We know why!"

They carried on with their search and eventually were able to piece together that there was a natural waking time frame for the cure of approximately three days – depending how much of the herb had been ingested.

"Three days! Oh no!"

"What's three days Abs? And where is everyone?"

"Gibbs! Oh thank goodness you are back. We have such a problem."

She quickly explained what had happened. Gibbs was furious!

"What do you mean, she made him taste the stuff! Are you all mad? If she was suspicious she should have handed it over to CDC or the EPA or someone and had it tested elsewhere! Is Tony going to be okay Ducky? And the others?"

"Oh I think they will be all right Jethro. We have found that the substance has a natural time switch of three days but there are possibilities for an antidote. It seems we will need to mix some things and use a cream as a carrier. Then it will have to be rubbed on to the neck, near the carotid you see so that it is quickly absorbed."

Gibbs was still angry but he decided they should get on with the antidote although he insisted on being the one to administer it when it was ready.

Abby quickly assembled the ingredients and mixed them in to some neutral water-based cream that she used as hand cream. When it was ready she gave the container to Gibbs and they all went down to the Autopsy suite.

Ducky looked at all of his patients. Strange to have an autopsy room full of breathing bodies! Tony was muttering in his sleep. He seemed a bit agitated. Ducky was concerned that he might be taking a turn for the worse.

"Oh dear. He seems to be rather distressed. I wonder if he's having nightmares. It may be one of the other side effects. Perhaps the potion has hallucinogenic qualities. Actually it reminds me of a story I heard once about Noel Coward the playwright - you know – the one who wrote the play Still Life that was later made into the film called Brief Encounter. Anyway it seems that Noel once spent a very uncomfortable night at a bug-infested hotel in the Seychelles. As he was checking out, the manager asked him whether he might put up a sign reading, 'Noel Coward Slept Here'. 'Certainly,' Coward replied, 'if you'll add one word: fitfully.'"

"Ducky! What is Tony saying?"

"Oh, of course, quite so. Um … actually I can't quite make it out."

He was about to lean in to try to make out what was being said when Gibbs pulled him back.

"No way Duck. We need you to keep a check on the rest of the victims. If this cure thing doesn't work then you will have to start again with Abby. I'll look after Tony."

Gibbs leaned closer to Tony in the hopes of hearing what he was muttering. He listened closely then looked up with a puzzled look on his face.

"Something about bunnies smoking pot behind the garden shed! It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!"

"Well that would certainly qualify as a nightmare Jethro! Perhaps you should start with Tony as he is Patient Zero."

Gibbs took a dollop of the cream and leaned over Tony again. He gently rubbed it on to Tony's neck. He was watching closely to see if there was any reaction, when Tony's eyelashes fluttered and he blinked up into the blue eyes that were focussed so intently on him.

"Hey pretty eyes! Did I oversleep?"

With that Tony leaned up and kissed Gibbs thoroughly. Strange, didn't seem quite right somehow. His dates didn't usually have stubble on their cheeks and this one was wearing a really unusual perfume. Smelled slightly like sawdust!

Sawdust! What the hell!

"Boss! Whoa! What are you doing?"

"Me doing? What the hell are you doing? You just kissed me!"

"Er .. Um .. Wow! I was dreaming boss. I thought I was Sleeping Beauty and you were my Prince! Oh god, no that doesn't sound right at all! Um .. Well .. Sorry? Er .. What is going on anyway? Why am I on the autopsy table? Am I dead? Is this some sort of weird joke?"

"No joke Tony. You tasted that coffee for the Director and it give you a sort of sleeping sickness thing and everyone who touched you passed out as well."

The story was explained again and Gibbs used the antidote on McGee, Palmer and Chip. He looked at the Director sleeping propped in the corner where McGee had put her. His eyes went flinty. So she was using his team as guinea pigs was she. Huh!

He stood and looked around the room. Tony's birthday. Well, maybe they should move this party somewhere more comfortable. After all, he wanted to be sure everyone was back to normal before he allowed them to get back to work again. And as soon as Ducky declared them all fit again the first thing he would do was start an investigation into how the coffee had come to be delivered to the Director and what the intent was. But for now, he called them to attention and told them to meet him in the parking lot. They would take the truck – after all he didn't want any of them to drive – and they would go back to his house to finish Tony's birthday party.

Abby gathered up the food and McGee and Tony got the rest between them.

"Ah, Jethro. Aren't you forgetting something. Or rather someone?"

"Nope! Leave the warning signs in place Ducky and close everything up. We can deal with Madam Director later!"

With that Gibbs and Ducky walked out of Autopsy, leaving the sleeping Director to dream her own dreams while they joined their people to celebrate Tony's birthday.

Gibbs reached for the elevator button and while they waited for it to arrive, he looked back at the dim outline of the table where Tony had been sleeping and replayed the kiss in his mind. No wonder Tony was never short of a date. With kisses like that he was just surprised that no one had caught the boy with a wedding ring yet! Maybe Tony didn't really want to get married. Maybe he could be tricked into kissing Gibbs again. And maybe, just maybe, it was time to reconsider revising rule number twelve and giving all those girls a run for their money!


End file.
